A Broke, Busted, and Disgusted..... HOT MESS! Yep that was me in my 20's.....
I tell my coaching clients all the time I use to be a HOT MESS! My 20's were filled with action packed memories, some good... some bad. I put my relationships before myself which always lead to sadness and disappointment.
I had a hard time saying no and found myself in situations I could have avoided if only I would have listened to myself. You see, I always wanted people to put me first and listen to me but I never put myself first or listened to myself! One major thing I learned in my 30's is that we attract people and situations to us that mirror the energy we are. I have now mastered putting me first and listening to myself and guess what happened simultaneously? I started attracting people into my life that bring me balance. No more one sided relationships. I stopped lying to myself and I stopped attracting liars. Everything really does start with the YOU. Treat YOURSELF how you want others to treat you and watch the shifts that start taking place!
Below are 5 shifts that took place in my 20's vs. my 30's....
Men First vs. Me First
Yep. I'll admit it. I was one of those women who had to have a relationship and put my partners needs before my own. I would be overly focused on the person I was with. I would spend most of my time with them, and when I was not with them I was wondering what they were doing and calling all the time. If this is something you can relate to at this point in your life my advice is to STOP NOW! No relationship will survive this way. Losing yourself in your relationship is not healthy. After failed relationship after failed relationship in my 20's, I realized that I was lacking something that caused me to become obsessed with my partners.... self love and self knowledge. Once I decided to fall in love with myself and get to know myself on a deep level, I started to focus on what it is I needed and made getting those needs met my priority. That is when I attracted my fiance, and because I did the work, I was able to love him without losing myself, my mind, and my identity.
Over Extending Myself vs. Extending Boundaries
Are you a YES woman? You know, the woman who always says YES to others even when you know your body, mind, and soul is screaming for you to say NO. Many women struggle with this believe it or not and I was one of them. I was in codependent relationships with people where I always felt I needed to fix their problems. If someone wanted me to do something, even if I was tired and wore out I would say YES. I was in the business of pleasing people. That's right, I Ruth was a people pleaser. It wasn't until close to 30 where I realized this, and boy was this realization a game changer.
I had to admit to myself that I got validation from needing to be needed, and that I believed that by saying NO I was selfish and not a good friend. Once I was sucker punched with this truth, I started to validate myself. I started to say NO more often without an explanation, and I started to extend healthy boundaries to protect my valuable energy and time. Some of the people who were benefiting from me over extending myself fell off or where cut off for not respecting these boundaries, and in return I am only surrounded by those who respect me and add balance to my life.
Expecting vs. Accepting
One of the main disappointments I faced in my 20's was expecting so much from other people. Sometimes I expected more from them than they expected from themselves, or were even capable of. So many times we see the potential in others and expect that one day they will actually live up to it. The biggest lesson for me was realizing that I can not expect people to treat me how I treat them, or see in themselves the potential I see in them. Doing this will leave you feeling powerless and like a victim every time. Once I had this epiphany, I decided to take my power back and accept people for who they are NOW, and where they are NOW, and not for their "potential".
I now know that by accepting someone for their true self does not mean I have to accept them into my life or space. I also made a choice to only do things for people because I want to do them. To be kind and giving is my choice. If they in return are not as giving or kind to me and the relationship is not balanced, I have the power to stop and pull back. Learning this was sooooo freeing, and ended a lot of bitterness and resentment I held in my heart blocking me from my blessing.
Acting On Impulse vs. Listening To Intuition
I am an Aries. Enough said. As an Aries my impulsive nature was out of control in my 20's. I took action without even thinking many times, I found myself in situations I could have easily avoided.... and this includes relationships. Many times I jumped into relationships instead of really taking the time to listen to my intuition and my gut feeling. I also took many risks when it came to the things life threw at me, even when I knew things could go south. My mindset was.. "I'll deal with it when it happens." HUGE mistake.
I always talk about how I was broke, lonely, and disgusted with my life back in the day, and this was the main reason why. Impulsive purchases using money I didn't have left me broke. Impulsively jumping into the wrong relationship where my needs were not met left me lonely. Just thinking about how broke and lonely I was left me disgusted! I am getting disgusted just thinking about now! Once I dived into my spiritual journey and really learned how to listen and trust my intuition my life did a 360. Our intuition is truly our compass here on earth. It is only trying to protect us and lead us to our blessings. Ignoring that voice inside you is you ignoring not only yourself, but also God, your ancestors, and the universe. Guess what? Nothing good can come from that... period!
Holding On vs. Letting Go
Oh yes! This is a BIG one. Holding on to people and situations that no longer served me was a huge issue of mine. I had a very hard time letting go. When you connect with someone and have history with them, it is hard to let them go when the time comes. Realizing that not everyone is suppose to travel with you on your entire journey can be a sad thing to face. People come into our lives for different reasons. Some come in to help us fulfill a purpose and then they leave. Some come in to teach us a lesson and then they leave. Whether these people left on their own without explanation, you having to end the connection, or by death.... it can be hard to let go of the emotional connection and attachment we formed with them.
Needing closure is something I hear all the time when coaching and even something I convinced myself I needed in the past. The truth is, you find closure in knowing that whatever and whoever leaves your life was for a reason, and was for your highest good. By needing closure that you may never get, you are energetically saying that this person or situation controls your happiness and how you feel about yourself and life. Don't give anyone or anything that much power! Once I shifted my perspective to think like this, I learned how to give myself closure. I now cut the cord of attachment, show gratitude for the purpose and lesson the person or situation came to teach me, and I let go knowing that I am divinely guided and God, my ancestors, and my guides make no mistake.
Until next time....!
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